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I'm Kelly - the founder of She Is Fierce! and your host on our blog featuring stories and wisdom from fierce women all over the world! 

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10 Things I Want You to Know About Miscarriage

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10 Things I Want You to Know About Miscarriage


Although I never wanted to be in this situation, I found myself grieving the loss of my own babies not once, but five times, due to miscarriage. Overwhelmed by a flood of emotions, I questioned my sanity, my worthiness, my patience, my purpose, and constantly wondered why this would ever happen to me.

With each loss I learned more about myself, the people around me, the process, and I stood amazed as it deepened my faith. Many times I felt alone in my brokenness. Sifting through the misconceptions seemed impossible at times, but I found a way.

If you’ve ever endured the loss of a baby due to miscarriage, or know someone who has, here are 10 things I want you to know:



It’s easy to feel like your body is failing you after enduring a miscarriage. The word itself can lead you to believe you did something wrong. Remember, our feelings are indicators, not dictators. Feeling like a failure does not mean you failed. We must trust there is a reason behind miscarriage, even when the cause is “unknown”.

Losing your baby does not make you a failure. You did not make a mistake in carrying your baby and you are not inadequate.



After every miscarriage, I found myself wondering what I had done wrong, convinced I was being punished. I would spend time identifying poor choices I’d made in the past and wonder if I was being taught a lesson or suffering the consequences of those actions. It simply doesn’t work this way.

Losing your baby is not a punishment. This didn’t happen because you wouldn’t be a great parent, you didn’t learn a lesson, or you weren’t good enough. God is so good

and He knows the plans for us, even when we can’t see them ourselves. Sometimes we don’t get a clear answer. Sometimes it’s all about trusting that God knows what’s best for us.



It’s normal to wonder why this happened and to feel it’s unfair, especially when surrounded by other pregnant women, couples, and families. The inclination to compare and critique the lifestyles and choices of others results in bitterness and resentment that’s difficult to disguise. I found myself there many times. It wasn’t until I started seeking to understand my own path and purpose that I began feeling more peace in my heart, more loved by God, and understanding He had a greater plan for my life.

Losing your baby does not make you unworthy. A beautiful transformation happens when your world is crumbling and you encounter submission, humility, and reverence when your knees hit the ground.



While your heart is breaking in mourning the loss of your baby’s life, you’re still here. You may feel fractured, but you aren’t defeated. As long as you have breath, you are a life force with a greater purpose… and this adversity is now part of your story that could help others some day.

You are not weak just because your heart feels heavy. You are a hero, even if you don’t feel like one now. Life is tough, but so are you. Don’t let your broken heart define you.



You will always be a mother, even if your child is in heaven. A mother is not defined by the number of children you see, but by the amount of love she holds in her heart. You carried your baby every second of their life and the imprint their footprints left on your heart will never fade. Heaven and earth may separate you now, but nothing will ever change the fact that your baby made you a mom.


I fell in love with you when you were forming in my womb. Now, I carry you in my heart instead of my arms. – Anonymous


Grief is as personal as a fingerprint. It may take longer for some to grieve than for others and we don’t always express it in the same way. Society tell us boys don’t cry, so please don’t be upset if the father of your child isn’t expressing his emotions in the same way you are.

Many men process their sorrow in private so they can be the rock and strength their spouse needs. Some express their grief with anger, irritability, withdrawal, humor, or immersing themselves in work. It’s okay for men and women to look, feel, and act differently during the grieving process. There is no “right” way to grieve. Recognizing those differences is a great first step in supporting each other through this painful event.



No matter how many people you know, or don’t know, who’ve endured a miscarriage, it’s an isolating loss to grieve. You’re left feeling empty, heartbroken, devastated, and alone. You want to talk with someone who understands, yet sharing the loss of your baby with others seems overwhelming.

Talking about the loss of your baby can lift a burden and bring relief for you and others. Those who haven’t experienced this kind of loss may need advice on how to comfort a friend going through it. Talk about miscarriage to a wide audience or one person, for the opportunity to increase sensitivity to those who may not have experienced it. Your heartache is someone else’s hope. Tell your story. Show your scars so others know they can heal.

“Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts. – Rick Warren


I’m amazed by the amount of people who’ve experienced this loss that instantly connects us in a new way. I feel more supported, less isolated, and more loved. Losing your baby is a very difficult burden to bear, but feeling embraced by those who understand this pain is a blessing that helps us heal.

Others know your pain. You are not alone.



Most people struggle to find the right words to say to someone who’s lost a baby, especially those who’ve never endured such a loss. Responses like “You can always adopt”, “You can have my kids”, “It wasn’t meant to be”, “You just need to relax and then it will happen”, “You can always try again… trying is the fun part”, and many others can cut deep into your already devastated heart.

Bless their hearts, they mean well.

Don’t expect evere to empathize with you. Being patient and understanding with them during your healing process will benefit you. Sometimes there are no words; nothing that will make life right again or change it back to the way it was. Sometimes all you can do is rest in the arms of someone you love and let them hold you until the hurting stops.



There is joy after loss and there’s a blessing in the storm. No matter how long the rain lasts, there will be a rainbow in the end. No matter how sad you may be, believe that happiness is ahead of you. In time, you will reconnect with your precious, perfect baby. Until then, thank God for closing the door, for He saw what you couldn’t see.

I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies and what they must sound like, but I will rest in knowing Heaven is your home and it’s all you’ll ever know.


The bereaved mother… she has experienced the unimaginable and yet she is still able to walk. – Carly Marie




Chrissy Kirkman, She Is Fierce! Contributor

Influencer Chrissy Kirkman is a life coach, worship leader, dreamer, mentor, wife, and bonus mom with a passion to help others overcome adversity and achieve their dreams.  Chrissy understands first-hand what it’s like to want to give up. Enduring a divorce, financial hardship, weight loss struggles, depression, anxiety, endometriosis, multiple surgeries, and losing five babies has deepened Chrissy’s faith in God and transformed her into an overcomer!

Chrissy enjoys singing, traveling, mentoring children and teens, hosting weekly #PrayerBoost calls, leading Dare to Dream workshops, and turning dull moments into laughter.  She resides in Kansas City, Missouri with her husband, bonus son, and pets.

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