Every day around the world, millions of women learn they are pregnant. And every day, hundreds of thousands of women learn they have lost their baby.

Regardless of how long a woman carried her child, the heartache and devastation she feels is painful beyond words. She endures an overwhelming sense of brokenness, emptiness, and confusion.

Pregnancy and infant loss is a difficult reality that many women and couples face alone, without the comfort and support they so desperately need. Understandably, many women and men are reluctant to talk about this very private, heartbreaking experience.

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Realities

• 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in the loss of a baby
• 4.5 million stillbirths occur each year worldwide
• More than 7,300 babies are stillborn every day
• Approximately 1.2 million stillbirths occur during birth, typically a result of delivery complications
• 1.4 million stillbirths occur before birth, typically a result of maternal infections or fetal growth abnormalities
• 13 babies will be lost every day to SIDS and other sudden, unexpected infant deaths
• Countless lives are lost to miscarriage and other causes of infant death
• When left unprocessed, this intense grief leads many parents to experience depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress syndrome, and addictions that derail daily life
• Although the pain gets better, parents never forget or “get over” losing a child

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is in October; a day of remembrance for pregnancy loss and infant death, which includes miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or the death of a newborn.

In October 1988, United States President Ronald Reagan designated the entire month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. This movement began in the United States in 1987, enabling us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems.

“When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.” Ronald Reagan

For those who’ve never grieved the loss of a child, it can be difficult to know exactly what to say or how to help. These parents, and grandparents, need your support, your love, and the acknowledgement and remembrance of their baby’s life.

It’s time to break the silence. Many parents are relieved to talk about the loss of their baby, as if the weight of a heavy burden is lifted. If you’ve faced the loss of a child, share your story to help heal your heart and to let others know they aren’t alone. Share your story to help those who’ve never experienced this kind of loss know how to comfort others going through it.

So many want to discuss this topic but most fear to bring it up. Your willingness to ignite these conversations will help diminish the lingering taboo surrounding pregnancy and infant loss. You may become the one your friends and family turn to if they lose a baby or know someone who does.

How to Help Someone Who’s Lost a Baby (Even if You’ve Never Been in Their Shoes)

• Be there to listen as they share their story; your open heart may aid in their healing more than your advice ever could
• Be okay with silence and having no advice to offer
• Allow them to express their raw emotion, no matter how it surfaces. Remember, as much as we’d like to, we can’t “fix it” or take the grief away. Each person must process grief naturally.
• Do not criticize or minimize what they’ve shared with you
• Avoid talking about your own losses
• Avoid saying things like “You can always adopt”, “You can have my kids”, “It was God’s will”, “At least you have another healthy child”, “At least you can get pregnant”, or other well-meaning words.
• Allow the parent to acknowledge their blessings in their own time and way
• Say “I don’t understand why this happened, but I’m so sorry.”
• Use the baby’s name, if a name was given
• Give a special gift to honor the baby’s life (a necklace, an inspirational picture, or plant a rose bush. Etsy.com is a great resource for unique handmade, personalized, commemorative gifts.)

On October 15, let’s remember the parents who mourn the loss of their babies. Let’s continue talking about pregnancy and child loss, even when it’s difficult. Let’s break the silence!

References:
www.firstcandle.org/october-is-awareness-month/
www.empowher.com/miscarriage/content/national-pregnancy-and-infant-loss-remembrance-day-october-15

Chrissy Kirkman

Influencer Chrissy Kirkman is a life coach, worship leader, dreamer, mentor, wife, and bonus mom with a passion to help others overcome adversity and achieve their dreams.  Chrissy understands first-hand what it’s like to want to give up. Enduring a divorce, financial hardship, weight loss struggles, depression, anxiety, endometriosis, multiple surgeries, and losing five babies has deepened Chrissy’s faith in God and transformed her into an overcomer!