March 12, 2016

Fed Up and Over It: My Stand Against Ghosting

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Fed Up and Over It: My Stand Against Ghosting

 

Now days we are all too familiar with the art of ghosting.

You meet someone, everything is going great and then out of nowhere everything changes. They go from sending you, “Good morning beautiful,” texts to taking 5 hours to respond with a one word answer. You send sweet texts and try to invite them on fun adventures, all the while picking your brain trying to figure out what went wrong.

The last time this happened to me I had to do something.

I want to share my most recent ghosting story and it may not paint me in the best light. Some of you may call me crazy and some of you may think I’m a f***ing hero, either way I don’t care which side of the line your fall on because the truth is I see both sides of the argument and I don’t regret any of my actions.

So where to begin…..I can only think of cliques I’d rather not use….” I’m unlucky at love.” “I have bad taste in men…” But it’s all just overused ways of saying when this happened I was single. Have you ever met someone you never seem to be on the same page with but you kept randomly gravitating toward each other? For me, that was Bradly.

We met my freshman year of college when we both worked on campus together. We we’re pretty much instant friends.

Over the past decade we floated in and out of each other’s lives. There was always an apparent attraction but the timing never felt right.

Most recently I came across him on OKCupid and messaged him, “Did you lie on here? Because it says we are only 17% enemy?”

This turned into a few weeks of messaging, which turned into texting, which evolved into lunch dates and drink dates.

One night while texting and after a few glasses of wine, I asked him “How come we never dated?”

His response, “Because I’m an idiot who doesn’t know when he had a good thing in front of him.”

Awe…..wait for it.

The first night we went out he came back to my apartment he started kissing me, I stopped him.

“I like hanging out with you but I want to take this slow.”

He was very understanding. Telling me that he understood he messed up last time but just kind of fading out and how he wanted to earn my trust and wine and dine me.

This didn’t last long at all.

After about a month of hanging out we ended up having the relationship talk, where he told me, “I want to be your boyfriend,” but we didn’t actually conclude the conversation.

The next day he went completely 180.

I would text him and he would take hours to respond. He wasn’t initiating conversation or asking too many follow up questions.

I asked him Tuesday night if he wanted to go to the movies Friday night and he said, “Sure we can do that.”

I didn’t talk him the next day.

Thursday I messaged him in a really good mood and he respond twice then I said, ‘Are we still on for tomorrow?”

Nothing.

That night before bed I jokingly said, “Yes, no maybe so? lol”

Nothing.

I was fuming, he knew how much I hated being ignored!

So on Friday I waited till about 1p.m. and messaged, “Bobby, are we still hanging out tonight?”

Nothing.

I was in tears at my desk by 4:00 p.m. not really because of him but because of the situation. It was all too familiar. My whole life instead of dealing with me people would just ignore me and hope I’d go away it seemed.

I decided I would try one last time when I got off work. I was trying so hard to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe his screen was cracked and he couldn’t text. Maybe someone died. Maybe he died!

I called and left him a heartfelt message after work reminding him how he said he didn’t want to be a shady guy anymore and that we enjoyed each other’s company and that it wasn’t too late to fix things.

Nothing.

So I did what any frustrated woman would do I drove to my best friend’s house, cried, bitched and then went to the bar next door for a drink and a shot.

I hadn’t eaten much that day, so it kind of hit me fast, I texted him again (I know, why? Why!?!), “So you’re going to be this shady guy. That’s the choice you’re making.”

Nothing.

I went home and took a much neeeded nap. After I work up I met another friend for drinks and ended up having a pretty good night.

The next morning I went to Target and rage filled me.

I didn’t deserve this! Screw the romantic part we’d known each other for over 8 years and for a while had been close friends and confidants. He just thought he could ignore me. Hell no, not anymore.

I pulled my phone out and typed, “I’m still waiting for my response and/or apology. And let’s be honest we both know I give zero f**ks and will go to the campus to get it if necessary.” (Campus being where he still works 8 years later in the same position he worked in when he was 19.)

I know it sounds crazy but I was so pissed. I deserved an answer.

Sure enough, that got me one.

“Well, I’m sorry for bailing out yesterday and ignoring you. But I don’t think this is going to work between us. I feel bad and I deal with these types of things rather horribly. I really wanted to give this a try but I don’t feel the way I thought I would feel I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever all I wanted was respect. Like when exactly did that thought process take place because you really handled it really shitty?”

“It was pretty much decided after we hung out I was thinking over the past couple of days. So yeah that’s when I knew.”

“Why agree to hang out Friday then? Why tell me you like me and want to build something real then do all that? Whatever I’ve lost all respect for you anyway. Good luck this will be the last time we ever talk.”

I know it might seem to some I went “Crazy bitch” and the truth is I didn’t have any real intention (or the time) to actually go to his job I just knew that if he didn’t have the balls to end things with me in text he sure as hell didn’t want to do it face to face so he would respond.

It’s not as if I would have fallen into some deep depression or been heartbroken if he just told me he didn’t want to date anymore. I mean this wasn’t some fuckboy I met on Tinder a week ago, I’d known him for 8 years! I was friends with his sister!

I’ve never said or done anything like that before but I was just so frustrated because he literally went from telling me he wanted to be with me to ignoring me in 24 hours after I’d constantly forgiven him. I can take some blame for giving him another chance. Thinking that now in our mid-twenties he might have grown up. But it’s like I always say, “dating an ex is like watching a rerun, you know how it ends.”

I think of all the time I’ve heard my guy friends call a girl, “Crazy.”

(Which as someone who has to take pills for anxiety I really hate that word.)

Now I have to wonder was she crazy or did you just push her to the breaking point?

It didn’t have to go that far. He could have just called me and said, “I don’t think it’s going to work.”

But no he drug it out and made plans with me then ignored, me like I didn’t deserve an explanation.

I’m sure the comments and negative responses will come but I honestly don’t care, I did what I had to do to get the response I deserved. I mean think about it, this was someone I considered a friend and had known for nearly a decade.

Even in the final messages I was proud I didn’t take cheap shots at him and mention the things that made me not 100% about him, like the fact he was happy working in the same job for 8 years serving food when he had a degree or that he had always been a bit of a pushover. I just wanted him to know that it’s not okay to ignore someone and I think I got that point across.

So call me crazy but like I said I don’t regret how I handled the situation.

In fact if I ever find myself in that position I’d probably do it again. Maybe if enough people call out ghosters this will end!

 


Dia Darling, She is Fierce! Contributor

Dia Darling

Dia is a Marketing and Event Coordinator and lifestyle blogger.

She received her bachelor degree in Communication with a concentration in Public Relations from the University of Texas at San Antonio. Working since age 15, she has worked in a number of industries including Retail, Insurance, Real Estate, Social Media Management, Event Planning, Blogging, Site Management and Marketing. Born and raised in Texas but a lover of travel. Her interests include karaoke, painting and cheering for the San Antonio Spurs.

She started her lifestyle blog All the Things I Do in early 2015 to inspire and connect with other millennial women looking to make the most of life.

Connect with Dia… www.allthethingsido.com

The comments +

  1. April 2016 Goals - All The Things I Do

    April 4th, 2016 at 9:01 am

    […] is month I published:  Fed Up and Over It: My Stand Against Ghosting on She Is Fierce HQ. I have a few other things set up but right for March I only met my goal half […]

  2. Confession: I Totally Ghost Guys and Have No Shame About It | Lollie Shopping

    June 12th, 2017 at 11:32 am

    […] that there is a portion of people who rant against ghosting, and in many situations, it is a downright mean thing to do to a person. However, if you’re […]

  3. SD

    August 27th, 2019 at 3:32 pm

    Keep calling them out! I wouldn’t have called that crazy, nor would many of my friends. I give ghosts a hard time whenever possible because it’s a cowardly and wholly selfish action. This is just one more way of people showing they don’t give a rip about others.
    If you know a little about them, you can offer the comparison that ghosting to you is like [insert something offensive] to them. Or, you can thank them for proving your communication styles are incompatible and suggest they reveal that sooner next time.

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