As a part-time TEDx curator and full-time TEDx enthusiast, I find myself, like many others, constantly hurdling from one TED talk to another. Some might call watching TED talks a hobby or an interest but for me, it’s more than just that. It is a form of “structured procrastination” (as psychologists have proven today), the kind that makes you more productive. I say this because each talk always teaches me something new about the world in which we live in or about myself as a separate entity, inspiring me and giving me plenty of food for thought.

Meaghan Ramsey’s TED talk, “Why thinking you’re ugly is bad for you”, did exactly that…and more. There is something so powerful about this particular TED talk, which urged me to write about it.

No, it’s not the fact that Meaghan is the creative genius behind the Dove Self-Esteem Project, a campaign that I admire so deeply.

Rather, it is the fact that the ideas presented in those 12 minutes are ideas that truly resonated with the free-spirited, female millennial in me.

The facts presented in those 12 minutes gave substance to what I’ve been feeling for years about the society we are rendering into for women and young girls; a society that places more importance on beauty than brains, on being judgmental than empathetic and on the art of imitation than authenticity and originality.

The moving anecdotes, observations and experiences presented in those 12 minutes pushed me to not just think outside of the box but within it, by reflecting on what I think stands out to me most and addressing it.

To put this post into context, let me outline the talk for you, or even better, watch it above!

Meaghan essentially talks about how females (as young as eleven years old) are under so much social pressure in the image-obsessed culture that we all implicitly/explicitly, willingly/unwillingly take part in.  There is a blurred line between what is normal and what is authentic, with females constantly reaching out to others for external validation about the way they think they look or they think they are perceived.

She then goes on to talk about some shocking facts e.g. one in five teenagers do not show up to class if they feel like they don’t look good, low self-confidence has been proven to lead to lower GPAs & higher rates of absenteeism at work. In finding a solution to this phenomenon, she talks about role models, the negative effects of social media, and educating individuals on body confidence and self-respect.

As I approached the end of the TED talk, I truly felt disheartened. It is sad to hear of the hard- hitting consequences of decreased self-esteem (something we all undoubtedly experience in our lives), all of which affect our promising futures, closing doors in a world of emboldening opportunities that should be embraced.

Today, when I look around, I see the image-obsessed culture that Meaghan talks about (both in terms of mentality and physicality) with social media and popular culture constantly reinforcing it. I see eleven year olds, who should really be focusing on learning and being a kid, but instead being far too pre-occupied with their looks. I see a portrayal of “beauty” that is quite frankly unreal or unachievable. I see people scared of being expressive (or in millennial terms, using too many emojis or exclamation marks in their messages) because they may come across as “over-friendly”. I see people scared to randomly make conversation with someone standing near-by because “that’s creepy”.

These are four of the many scenarios where perception plays an imperative role in how we behave, but the truth is that we are far too concerned about how we will be perceived, using those around us as benchmarks for…everything. In doing so, the person we really are gets lost in translation. Above that, we begin to get scared to be ourselves as we develop a fear of being different. If we get too caught up with what others think of us in their heads, we will never know who we are in our heads and it makes being happy so much more difficult, when you have a 1001 people to impress or be concerned with.

I completely agree with all that Meaghan proposed, but as a young adult, I want to use this particular post to boldly and lightly talk about the importance of positive role models in society today.

As per an early, reputed Sociologist, Robert K. Merton, a role model is “a person whose behavior, example or success is or can be emulated by others.” I beg to differ. Contrary to it’s definition, I don’t think a role model is someone who is emulated by others, it is just someone we draw inspiration from or look up to and with this definition of a role model, I find that though we have positive role models out there, there are just not enough, the world needs more!

We need a whole bunch of positive role models who are honest with themselves and those around them, who have imperfections, who strive to be better, who are hard-working, motivated, ambitious, laid-back, independent, kind, funny as hell, loud, quiet, sassy, humble, cranky, compliant, defiant, have a rebellious streak, have acne, aren’t size zero, curvy, flat, voluptuous, confident, happy in their own skin, not concerned with perceptions, people who are dealing with insecurities but not letting that define them etc. but what all these people have in common is the fact that they’re real and all of this is what makes us human.

This post isn’t about bashing the role models we see in the media every day but instead about extending our idea of role models beyond the Kardashians. Let us turn to one another as our best role models; from the grandparents who remind us how to disconnect from an ever-connected society and the parents who raise us (a global symbol of strength), to the siblings who pick us back up every time we fall, the best friends that keep us going and the change-makers of today (i.e. you, me and her).

Let us embrace our strengths AND our weaknesses, we all have our fair share of insecurities and things we’re not the best at, but to live in a world where being honest about them is a “sign of weakness” and means your putting yourself at risk of scrutiny is just not done.

Let us stop comparing ourselves to everyone around us – you are your own person. Living an authentic life is so liberating so embrace it. Nobody can lower your self-esteem or make you feel bad about yourself unless you let them.

So to all my fierce women out there who are nothing short of positive role models, way to go! Keep inspiring the youth and the elderly around you because role-model-ing is so much more than being emulated, it’s about being so confident about yourself and comfortable in your own skin that people out of his or her own will decide to take inspiration from you and that to me, is the biggest accomplishment.

Trishala Pillai

Born in Bahrain and raised in several different countries across the globe, Trishala is an undergraduate student in her final year at the University of Waterloo in Canada, pursuing a Bachelor of Arts in Economics, specializing in Public Policy and Minoring in Management & Communications. This definitely reflects one aspect of her personality: her burning desires to go beyond the study of just one discipline, to learn a little about a lot and to integrate her knowledge of the various disciplines to offer work of value and make an impact in the world. It is this very passion of hers to strive for purpose and meaning with all that she does (along with her strong interest in gender equality and independence) that makes her a fierce woman, who is truly proud to use this platform to empower women around the world.

Currently, she is the Co-President of TEDxUW and is in the process of curating a world-class TEDx conference for the University of Waterloo and the local community. In the past, she has worked for multinational companies (e.g. J.Walter Thompson), start-ups in North America’s Silicon Valley of Waterloo, not-for-profit organizations (e.g. Women in Leadership) and social businesses. Looking forward, she is not only planning to pursue her Masters but she is also aspiring to be an entrepreneur of an organization driven by shared-value creation.