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I'm Kelly - the founder of She Is Fierce! and your host on our blog featuring stories and wisdom from fierce women all over the world! 

Fierce Living

A Letter to My Son on the Eve of His 5th Birthday

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A Letter to My Son on the Eve of His 5th Birthday

 

Dear E:

I know you may not ever want to read this letter. It is the sort of thing that an adolescent boy would find mushy and embarrassing coming from his mother. But I am ok with that – just getting it down on paper makes me feel slightly less sentimental about how fast you are growing up.

The truth is, I had your life planned out in my head the moment I saw you wrapped up like a glowworm in that operating room.

I love you in this almost painful, indescribable way. I love to kiss your soft cheeks and smell your head. I know that your sweet hugs and kisses will become less frequent as you grow so I will continue to steal them from you when I can. I asked you to promise me that you would never grow hair on your cheeks – I was only half serious. I want you grow into a man. A kind, thinking man.

The reason I watch you like a hawk is because I cannot stand the thought of you being hurt. I know you will be hurt, emotional and physical pain is part of life. Bumps and scrapes heal so I have no problem kissing your booboos and offering Band Aids. But when I see you upset or off by yourself I jump to the conclusion that you are hurting and the ache in the pit of my stomach feels like a kick to the gut. I have to remind myself that you are strong and that strength comes from your ability to think through what hurts you. Keep thinking about your feelings; self reflection will serve you well in life.

There were moments in your infancy when I selfishly wished you could grow up and need less of “me” – my body, my attention, and my soul. Here we are, and I wish I could turn back time. I tear up when I think back to all of those moments I wasted feeling miserable. I am sorry for that, and I am sorry I didn’t do a better job of keeping a journal of our time together that first year. We were together every moment of every day, and now our time is limited to before and after school.

I love it when you ask me to hold you or carry you, though this has caused me to need a chiropractor. Trust me, I do feel guilty when I have to tell you no, I cannot carry down the long hallway and out the door and to the car. I used to carry you down that same hallway in a baby carrier. Giving away your baby carrier was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Because it was yours, ours.

Use your body in as many ways as possible. Play sports, but not just to compete, to learn about life. Be a team player and an individual athlete. Sports are good for the body and mind. Try lots of things and don’t worry about being the best or the fastest.

If you feel like I am hard on you, it is because I have high expectations for you. You are a child that is always pushing boundaries. I like this about you. I like that you can read people so well. Use this skill of yours for good, to help people. As you grow up I am confident you will begin to set your own boundaries because you will grow into yourself.

Kindness gets you everywhere. You never know when you might need a reference or a favor – earn it. Treat everyone you meet with respect. Don’t kiss anybody’s butt, but be genuine and respectful. While we are on the topic of respect – if a police officer tells you to get on the ground, do it. We will deal with the legal stuff later.

Party and sow your wild oats. Figure out what your limits are. Recover from one really nasty hangover and you will know what I mean. Before getting a tattoo really consider if you can live with it for the rest of your life. And go to a good tattoo artist, crappy tattoos are just icky. Please do not pierce your nipples or your genitals. Just don’t. There is a line from the movie Knocked Up that applies to you – “No pills no powders. If it comes from the earth it’s probably ok.” With that said, please come to your dad or me if you are contemplating any of this.

Use those big blue eyes to your advantage. Keep opening doors for women, it is very cute, and your future wife will appreciate your chivalry. On the subject of women – always keep in mind that you were raised to hold all women in the highest regard. Not just Victoria’s Secret models, but the girls you take to prom too – ordinary girls. Set the example for your frat brothers. Be the nice guy. I expect nothing less.

This is the bottom line. No matter how big you get and how many other people are in your life, you are mine. This feeling of ownership is probably not healthy in the psychological sense, but allow me this indulgence. You did, after all, literally form and grow in my body.

You were given so many gifts in this life. Keep growing. Keep learning. Keep adapting. I promise to do my best to grow, learn and adapt to you. I’ll be here to catch you when you fall. I’ll stay in the background, trying to be nonintrusive while watching you outgrow your need for my safety net.

I gave birth to you with the expectation that you would grow up and leave me. So do it. I know you will make me proud.

 


Liz Simon, She is Fierce! Contributor

Liz Simon

Liz is a mom, wife, former teacher, current blogger and the creator of A Dose of Healthy Distraction.  Her website is a lifestyle website that works to empower and entertain women living with ADD/ADHD.  In her spare time, she enjoys reading, working out, wine-tasting, and trips to the beach.  She is shy when you meet her, but she warms up quickly!

Connect with Liz here… www.adoseofhealthydistraction.com

  1. Holly says:

    Great Blog post! I would say many of the same to my girls… Just not so eloquently! Happy Birthday E!

    • liz says:

      Hi Holly!
      Thank you so much for commenting. When I wrote the piece, it felt totally un-eloquent. I had to write something since I was having such a hard time dealing with him growing up. I’m glad you identified with it.

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