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I'm Kelly - the founder of She Is Fierce! and your host on our blog featuring stories and wisdom from fierce women all over the world! 

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It's OK to be Too Much! -

All of my life I have been told I was too much. I was too smart, too loud, too quiet, too inquisitive, too bold, too shy, too blonde, too big, too little, too annoying, too hesitant, too vague, and too brash. There were so many opinions flying my way that I got dizzy trying to grab on to the right one and often lost myself in the process. I knew, because I was repeatedly told, that people will tell you things about you to help you grow, learn, and really see yourself. They tell you things about yourself because they have your best interests at heart and they will always tell you it is because they care. In theory, that sounds fantastic, in reality it is a crazy making cocktail of random and impulsive ingredients that do not blend right and leave chunks of gunk in your head and heart where no chunks of gunk should ever be. “But they mean well,” you tell yourself as you cry silently in the bathroom, behind closed doors, wondering why none of their judgments seem authentic and feel horrible to your heart. “What’s wrong with me?” you sob. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It is okay to be too much.

I have learned a few things about people in my trips around the sun but most can be filtered down to one simple concept: People react against what they fear the most in direct proportion to their intensity of that fear. Yes, it really is that basic. Take a look again at the list above, notice the irony? To the person who is afraid of silence, I am too quiet. To the person who is afraid of noise, I am too loud. Don’t like being short? I am too short. Think your fanny is too big? Well guess what, you will tell me mine is huge! And so on and so forth ad nausea. Now it starts to get funny and your tears are starting to bounce and jiggle on the bathroom floor aren’t they? Good!

I could get fancy and really pull out the Dr. routine, make some elaborate statements about ‘projection’ and ‘self-loathing’ and bore us all to death. I will not do that. Why? If you wanted to go that route, you would have be comparing the DSM IV and V during your crying spat in the bathroom as you tried to self diagnose yourself based on what they said is wrong with you and who you really are. Who needs that? Certainly not me and I would venture a guess not you either or you would not have read this far. Misery loves company but their parties are awful! When the invitation comes to attend one, follow Nancy Regan and, “Just Say NO!!” Self-loathing is an addiction like none other and there are always emotional junkies ready to shoot you up. Be tougher than that.

It is okay to be too much.

What happens when you stop listening (relying) on other people to bless you with their label of too whatever? You suddenly become uncomfortably vulnerable and develop the shakes. Sometimes you will find yourself crying at the most inopportune times and other times you will either kill the gym workout or eat an entire pan of brownies. It could go either way, and maybe both in one day, emotions are like that. All of this is normal at first because, if you re-read the last paragraph about emotional junkies shooting you up you will realize you are going through withdrawal. You have unwittingly become so addicted to their input, their comments, and their toxic input running through your veins that you forgot how to function in their absence. Scary, isn’t it? Be gentle on yourself, recovery takes time.

It is okay to be too much.

There are several thoughts around being too much that can help the healing process, take you out of the bathroom of tears and back into your life, on your terms, and withyour too muchness flying free:

1. Consider this: What if they are wrong?

What would it look like if everything they told you about being too much was wrong? How freeing would that be? Give it a shot! (Beats letting them shoot you up, right?)

2. Consider this: What if they are right?

What if you are too loud, too big, too shy, too whatever? I call that a platform and use mine like a trampoline! While people tend to hurl the too much as an insult and hope to get the accompanying reactions from their target like shame, guilt, humiliation, and silence, I like to use their negative energy as fuel for my next big thing. Yeah, I am too much. Get over it!

3. Consider this: Taking up space simply means you are living big!

People do not take notice about things that do not draw their attention nor do they react unless they are triggered by stimuli. If you are being (or have) told that you are too much, well congratulations! You are living big and getting noticed. Jump high on your trampoline and change your world. Just do not forget to embrace your awesomeness!

In the event that somebody tells you that you are too much this week, simply thank them for noticing. There is no shame in owning your right to yourself and in living the fiercest life you can dream and create! Bounce high!



Dr. Heidi Maston, She Is Fierce! Contributor

Fearlessly Creative, Dr. Heidi Maston is an internationally recognized distributed education and communications expert with a strong history and solid reputation for innovative leadership, integrity based outcomes, and an unprecedented ability to meet people where they are and champion their way to their desired outcomes! She is a strategic visionary who has combined 25+ years of experience in social service and education to create a strong worldview of cultural diversity enhanced with compassion, tangible achievement, and a comprehensive understanding of the issues in today’s teaching, training, and personal development environments.

Meet Heidi here…


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