The other night my partner and I were about to go to sleep. “Kiss me for a minute” she said. “Babe, I need to go to sleep, I’m too tired,” I replied.
I’m too tired for a ONE-MINUTE KISS?! I really said that??
How’s this, she replied “If I died in my sleep tonight, how would you feel?”
Talk about calling me out. And rightly so.
If she really did die, as morbid as it is to consider, I would regret not holding off sleep for one minute to kiss her.
I would regret shirking off a hug from her in the morning before I ran off to work.
I would surely regret the lame-arse greeting I gave her when I arrived home after a huge day.
The way she tried to engage conversation with me as I hurriedly prepared for the next day, racing around the kitchen slamming pots and pans after she had prepared me a beautiful dinner.
You see, I am a busy person. And it seems to have taken over my identity.
Rushing is my general state. Converting from a retail worker and student to running my own health coaching business and establishing myself as a yoga teacher tends to take up an immense amount of time.
I rise early, sometimes teaching or exercising myself, I work sometimes for other people in a 9-5-type setting or I put in a long day at my office, followed by teaching most nights, arriving home to research/plan/invoice/create.
I follow a plant-based clean eating lifestyle (which means most food I consume is from scratch), try to fit in a couple of gym sessions, runs and my own yoga practice, not be a complete social hermit, spend time with my family, practice my own self care rituals. Oh and of course I have an amazing wife who likes to spend more than five minutes with me a day.
It is exhausting to even think about how much I everyday, day in day out.
How did being “busy” become my regular state of being?
It can be easy to forget our partner’s happiness and health (let alone your own) when you are in this state of busyness.
Personally, when I am feeling overwhelmed, rushed, under pressure, I have noticed a pattern.
I push other people away, especially those closest to me.
Pushing away is easier than having to add another thing to that endless list of to dos.
My partner tries to cuddle me. I shrug away. “I don’t have time babe”.
She asks me about my day, or the class I just finished teaching. “It was fine”. End of conversation.
Even carving out enough time to watch half an hour of a TV show together becomes difficult.
When the love of your life becomes just one more thing on your to do list, you know it’s time to re-evaluate your priorities.
It is so tough to get out of this mindset, of being time poor.
I used to have almost an anxiety attack about being in bed by 10pm.
I would race around like crazy, brushing my teeth, setting my clothes out for the morning, turning off lights and electronic devices.
Intimacy was not high on the agenda. In fact, I would often rush my partner into bed too, even if she wasn’t ready or didn’t want to. Okay, let’s face it, I still kind of do this… working on it!
One day, it struck me that this was maybe not normal.
Missing out on half an hour of sleep was not going to ruin my life. Perhaps missing out on half an hour of sleep is in reality the thing to salvage my relationship.
It’s an extra half an hour to snuggle up with a cup of tea and watch Undercover Boss. It’s an extra half an hour to have a deep conversation whilst we are relaxing in bed. It’s an extra half an hour not to be rushing. Perhaps the only half hour we get for that day.
Going back to the goodnight kiss… I want to make time for that, I need to make time for that. I will. Even if it does mean getting to sleep after 10.
Because at the end of the day, it’s these little things that we live for.
When we’re reflecting back on our lives, we are not going to remember that great time when we had a restful 8 hours sleep. We’ll remember moments of true presence, of love, of pure connection.
And that is why I’ll lose sleep for love.
Cindra Banks wants all women to be happy and free, living an inspired, joyful life! That is why she teaches them to reconnect with their true selves, love and value that truth and live from this place to kick some serious butt in life!