Give Up the Chase, Not the Dream

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Let’s face it, we are goal driven women with a continuous desire to achieve and contribute. There is always something on our daily to-do list waiting for us to tackle. We map out activities each month paying close attention to deadlines and how much time is left in the year to make things happen. Our drive to be highly productive, to meet the needs of those depending on us and to accomplish what we set out to do is what makes us so awesome. We know we’re here for unique purposes and assignments nobody else can complete. I love being a woman who is fueled by her passion for goal-setting. What I don’t love is how easily I’m tempted to turn each journey into a race.

Be aware of your own actions and evaluate if you’re working towards goals or chasing after them. There is a big difference between the two so make sure you’re not doing more of the latter. The problem with chasing our goals instead of working towards them? By chasing what we so desperately want, we begin to grip too tightly and try to control that which is not ours to control.

The chase for reaching your goals will make you feel like you’re always two steps behind. The chase for realizing your dreams will make self-doubts scream out to stop because you’re not as fast as the others who are going to beat you to it. The chase for achievement will make you feel like you can never do enough or be enough. It will make you feel like a let down to yourself and everyone depending on you because you haven’t succeeded yet. The chase to make changes happen in your life will try to convince you with all its might that you should learn to live with things as they are because the journey is too difficult.

I’m not suggesting to give up the work you’ve been doing to achieve your dreams, goals or life’s purpose. Instead, I am urging you to give up the chase. This is no easy task and requires great faith and trust in things you can’t control or see with your own eyes. I’ve found the stronger my desire for something, the harder it is to prevent my actions from turning into a footrace against the flow of life. Use these three tips as reminders to keep those running shoes in the closet, no matter how quickly you want to reach the finish line:

 

1.) Put in the time but don’t watch the clock.

In order to achieve anything, you will need to show up and take action. Carve out time in your schedule to implement necessary actions but realize you are not the timekeeper. Avoid becoming impatient and frustrated when things aren’t happening as fast as you’d like. There will be delays. Trust in the natural unfolding of the Universe and believe you’ll achieve your goal at the best possible time.

 

2.) Knock on doors but don’t set up camp.

Reach out to people for help in reaching your goals but be prepared for some not to answer the knock. If they don’t, move on to the next without becoming too disappointed or defeated. There will be unanswered knocks. Trust what goes unopened is for your highest good and the right doors will be opened by the right people at the right time.

 

3.) Play your part without demanding to conduct the entire orchestra.

Nobody can argue the role you have in making your dreams become reality. Yet, always remember there is a much larger force conducting the entire performance. When life starts sounding differently than the score you wrote, don’t stop playing your piece or your best. There will be notes you didn’t anticipate. Trust there is an even better arrangement being made than the one you originally had in mind.

 


Hastie

Hastie

Hastie is a writer, speaker and creator of CenterStage! Her program teaches women how to step out from behind the curtains of their limiting beliefs and into their power. She believes women need to discover who they really are in order to live a more meaningful life.

The former pro-figure competitor used to be shy and hid under baggy clothes while working out. After witnessing a woman at her gym exercising with the lights off, she wrote 10 Steps to Become a More Confident Woman in the Gym, which you can download for free on her website. Hastie can be found in Pittsburgh, PA asking every new person she meets who has the best pizza in town. She is super organized and loves colored office supplies.

Meet Hastie at www.Hastie.guru, on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube or The No Fear Zone Radio Show on WPHT 1210-AM (CBS)

The Secret to Momentum: Reach Goals Faster!

 

As a Fierce Woman, you’re probably no stranger to working on a meaningful goal or two at any given time. You also know the importance of staying motivated and working hard until you cross the finish line. However, even with a belly full of fire it can take a lot longer to reach them than we’d like. I love accomplishing goals and the quicker I do, the sooner I can stretch myself further by creating new ones. This is where my secret to momentum comes into play.

Let me be clear, I’m not saying the journey towards completing our goals has no value. The twists and turns along the way are always teaching us something and provide even more opportunities for growth. Never discount your journey but be fully aware of how long you’ve been on the same one. Before I let you in on the secret, grab your pen and answer the following questions with complete honesty.

 

  • My goals are…
  • I feel my progress towards these goals are at a reasonable pace…
  • I’m frustrated with how long I’ve been working on these same goals…
  • I’ve quit goals due to the amount of time passed without reaching them…
  • I’ve achieved many things and have grown a lot in the last year…

I hope what you wrote down felt good to see on paper and you are proud of your progress. If not, I invite you to challenge yourself and use the following secret to gain momentum:

Protect your path!

If you protect your path, you’ll arrive at the desired destination much faster. Your path includes your actions, behaviors, and the environment in which you live. Without a deliberate effort to protect your path, it might take so long to reach your goals that you never do.

Two Ways to Protect Your Path

1. Keep detours to a minimum! 

It’s going to take a lot longer to realize your dreams if you keep taking detours. Those detours are called your distractions. We all have them and they’ll pull us from our path quickly and easily if we’re not careful. Advances in technology have given us many great things but they’ve also weighed us down in distractions. Just think of how many detours are held in the palm of your hand when you reach for your cell phone or tablet. Be aware of your detours so you can make less of them.

2. Clean up the litter! 

Litter on your path can take many different forms. Sometimes, we act as the litterbugs by engaging in negative self-talk or by repeating behaviors that sabotage our progress. Sometimes, it’s other people who are throwing the litter by being unsupportive and doing things to undermine our efforts. Love yourself too much to be the one throwing the litter and love those around you who are throwing it too. In most cases, you’ll meet people who feel threatened by your growth and positive changes. Enforce your boundaries with love and never take someone else’s trash personally.

I will not tell you protecting your path is easy but I will tell you it is possible.

Practice these two tips and start protecting your path a little more each day. By doing so, you will experience more momentum and find yourself reaching those goals faster.

 


 

Hastie

Hastie is a writer, speaker and creator of CenterStage! Her program teaches women how to step out from behind the curtains of their limiting beliefs and into their power. She believes women need to discover who they really are in order to live a more meaningful life.

The former pro-figure competitor used to be shy and hid under baggy clothes while working out. After witnessing a woman at her gym exercising with the lights off, she wrote 10 Steps to Become a More Confident Woman in the Gym, which you can download for free on her website. Hastie can be found in Pittsburgh, PA asking every new person she meets who has the best pizza in town. She is super organized and loves colored office supplies.

Meet Hastie at www.Hastie.guru, on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube or The No Fear Zone Radio Show on WPHT 1210-AM (CBS)

 

Hastie

 

Hastie

Hastie is a writer, speaker and creator of CenterStage! Her program teaches women how to step out from behind the curtains of their limiting beliefs and into their power. She believes women need to discover who they really are in order to live a more meaningful life.

The former pro-figure competitor used to be shy and hid under baggy clothes while working out. After witnessing a woman at her gym exercising with the lights off, she wrote 10 Steps to Become a More Confident Woman in the Gym, which you can download for free on her website. Hastie can be found in Pittsburgh, PA asking every new person she meets who has the best pizza in town. She is super organized and loves colored office supplies.

Meet Hastie at www.Hastie.guru, on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube or The No Fear Zone Radio Show on WPHT 1210-AM (CBS)

Three Must Do’s When You’re Stuck

Feeling Stuck

 

The first year after my separation and eventual divorce, most people didn’t dare ask if I was ready to start dating. Those who had witnessed my heartbreak knew I was nowhere close. Others who did were merely trying to glue me back together. Some suggested,“the best way over a man is under a man” but I wasn’t about to find out if this was true or not.

During the second year of being single, I was less offended when my dating status was questioned. Not because the cracks were healed but because I had a good reason to stay out of the dating game. I was now emotionally ready to work towards a goal that had been temporarily set aside. No men for me, this girl was on a mission to compete in her first Figure competition. Every spare minute was devoted to training, meeting with my coach, tweaking my diet, prepping my food and practicing poses for the stage. All of this left no time to date.

My original plan was to compete in only one show. However, I walked away with three trophies, a pro-card and a strong belief staying single gave me a competitive advantage. Shortly after, changes in my health guided me to switch directions and retire from competing. I became laser focused on my writing and speaking career which provided fresh new excuses for continuing to ride solo.

Settling into my third year of being single, I’d grown quite comfortable doing everything on my own. It was no problem going to a restaurant and telling the hostess I wasn’t waiting on anyone else. No issue with buying just one ticket for a concert. I didn’t feel the least bit awkward going to the movie theater by myself either. Flying from Pittsburgh to Silicon Valley without a travel companion? No sweat. I was enjoying my own company and feeling proud for having this single thing down.

Then it happened while talking to a co-worker. The words, “I’m focusing on my goals right now and don’t have time to date” rolled off my tongue as they did so many times before. This time the words hung in the air like a heavy fog long after the conversation ended. Eventually the fog lifted and the only thing remaining was the small voice inside urging me to admit I was stuck.

We can make endless excuses for why we don’t do what we know in our hearts we need to do. At some point, the fog will clear for you too. When it does, you’ll find yourself standing in the same spot surrounded by excuses that no longer feel true. If this is where you are, I suggest doing these three things and do them fast:

1. Admit you are stuck.

“I am stuck!” Just say it out loud and call it what it really is. Being stuck is not a sign of weakness, it happens to all of us. Realizing it and owning up is the first step towards moving forward.

2. Open your heart and mind.

Assumptions close you off from great possibilities waiting around the corner. It’s easy to believe you know how things will work out based on how they did before. Your past is not your path so don’t spend energy trying to predict the future.

3. Do that which you are most resisting.

You have to do more than just admit you’re stuck. It takes bold action to make forward progress. Get quiet and listen closely to your own wisdom for direction. Most likely, your inner voice has been trying to tell you something but your excuses were louder.

As for me, I took my own advice and immediately subscribed to Match.com. Four days later, I sat at a Starbucks nervously watching the rain fall waiting to meet my first date. Minutes into our conversation, I knew I’d made the right decision. There’s no telling how the rest of the story will unfold but I do know I will keep turning the pages.

 


Hastie, She Is Fierce! ContributorHastie is a writer, speaker and creator of CenterStage! Her program teaches women how to step out from behind the curtains of their limiting beliefs and into their power. She believes women need to discover who they really are in order to live a more meaningful life.

The former pro-figure competitor used to be shy and hid under baggy clothes while working out. After witnessing a woman at her gym exercising with the lights off, she wrote 10 Steps to Become a More Confident Woman in the Gym, which you can download for free on her website. Hastie can be found in Pittsburgh, PA asking every new person she meets who has the best pizza in town. She is super organized and loves colored office supplies.

Meet Hastie at www.Hastie.guru, on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube or The No Fear Zone Radio Show on WPHT 1210-AM (CBS)

Self-Care for Social Media: 5 Tips to Keep Information from Hurting

 

Self-Care for Social Media

“Oh, that’s right… you’re not on Facebook,” was something I’d been hearing from pretty much everyone for years. It seemed no matter what news I had to share with someone, they would tell me they already saw it on Facebook. Apparently without it, I was going to be the last one to know anything. Regardless, I was confident in making it through the rest of my life without joining that world. In fact, my plan was to be the last person alive not posting, liking, tweeting and sharing.

My plan failed when I finally raised the white flag and created a Facebook account. The goal was to get sponsorships from supplement companies to offset the high cost of competing in natural fitness shows. For the first year, I’ll admit to being too scared to post or share anything.

When someone would request to be added as a friend, I didn’t know what to do. If accepted, would their “not so nice” posts be a reflection on me if we’re connected? I couldn’t embrace social media fully because the majority of posts coming at me carried negative energy that didn’t make me feel good.

When I retired from competing and began writing and speaking more, things changed. Gradually, I realized the upsides to the virtual world.  As I made more like-minded business connections, my newsfeed filled with more uplifting content. Then I started doing my part to create and share more of the same. The ability to empower women through social media persuaded me to stick around.

Information is a good thing but it can hurt. You might not think of it but even the good information has its risks. Without self-care practices in place, our emotional health is in jeopardy every time we log on and start scrolling.

Your needs and situation may differ. Complete an honest assessment of how social media affects your emotions. If you’ve been angered or deeply saddened by content on your feed, its time to protect yourself.

The following tips will help keep you sane:

Stop reading!

When a post you’re reading begins to trigger an emotional reaction, stop reading it. Simple, right? Yet, how often do you keep reading until the end when you didn’t like the beginning?

Take a look and look away!

Pictures are powerful and can trigger memories and emotions we didn’t intend to stir up. As a divorced woman, I cannot linger on wedding pics. When I do, my mind starts taking a ride on the “you failed!” train.

Avoid scrolling during difficult times!

Holidays can be difficult for many of us for different reasons. Yes, those matching holiday pajamas are cute but sometimes they can make you feel left out. Limit your social media use around times of the year when you know you’re most vulnerable.

Keep it sacred!

Your morning and bedtime routines can make or break the quality of your day. Keep these rituals sacred by not including social media. You have plenty of time in the span of a day to log on later. Instead start and end your day with gratitude, intentions and meditation.

Remove the source!

When the same person’s posts keep affecting you in a negative way, you need to recognize the situation as toxic. Decide to value your emotional well being more than any potential fall out from removing them. Period.

 


 

 

Hastie, She Is Fierce! Contributor

Hastie is a writer, speaker and creator of CenterStage! Her program teaches women how to step out from behind the curtains of their limiting beliefs and into their power. She believes women need to discover who they really are in order to live a more meaningful life.

The former pro-figure competitor used to be shy and hid under baggy clothes while working out. After witnessing a woman at her gym exercising with the lights off, she wrote 10 Steps to Become a More Confident Woman in the Gym, which you can download for free on her website. Hastie can be found in Pittsburgh, PA asking every new person she meets who has the best pizza in town. She is super organized and loves colored office supplies.

Meet Hastie at www.Hastie.guru, on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube or The No Fear Zone Radio Show on WPHT 1210-AM (CBS)