The end of December, I was dealt a crumbling blow. My biggest goal for 2016 was to have stability and independence. After running my own business (and struggling) for a long time, I had made the hard decision to team up with another entrepreneur and use my love of people, marketing, and systems to grow her business. I was grateful every single day for that job. And, although I felt a strong pull to move into a more spiritual space, I believed in the work we were doing and her passion for helping women entrepreneurs. I was dedicated to giving her and her business 200%.
A regular paycheck relieved some of the pressure I had become accustomed to living with. A long-lost glow was coming back into my skin and eyes. I refinanced my car and paid off some debt – things that are hard to do when you are hustling, and your income is unsteady. My daughter even commented that we had more “special food” in the house (aka Jo-Jos from Trader Joes).
Also, I made plans.
I was researching vacation rentals for the summer. I started looking into trading in my very loved Escape for another car. I signed up for a couple of courses that I had wanted to take for years and chose the money payment option. I discussed apartment upgrades for year 2 of our lease.
I was happy. And I had just the right balance of gratitude, contentment, and dreams.
On December 10th, my boss told me that she was restructuring some things in her business and that while she loved working with me, she had decided to slow down and scale back and spend less money. My position was ending.
I spent the next 2 hours in a fog. (Yes, TWO hours.) Until the self-help used car salesman (SHUCS) that lives inside of me showed up.
“God has a plan.” “The Universe has your back.” “You asked to be in a more spiritual space.” “There is something better coming.” “We are never given more than we can handle.” “Now you can find something you are truly passionate about.” “You did put ‘December off’ on your vision board. You manifested this.” etc. etc. etc.
By Monday when I had my weekly therapy appointment, I was feeling 100% okay with all of it. I started telling my therapist what happened and how it was all good and I couldn’t wait to see what God was bringing me next!
And then he said, “How are you feeling about the part of this that sucks?” SHUCS kicked in again with an outpouring of platitudes. And then he said, “We tend to use the word but to make ourselves feel better. The reality is that it just negates the negative side of the equation. For example, ‘This situation sucks, but it will all be fine.’ You are really trying to convince yourself that this situation doesn’t suck. And let’s be honest, this situation sucks. You believed that you had a year to make money to pay for your salary. You had dreams and plans for that money. That sucks. However, if you say, ‘This situation sucks, AND it will all be fine.’ See how expansive that feels? See how it gives space for all the feelings: good and bad?”
I decided to test it out. For the rest of the month, every time I started to say the word “but,” I replaced it with “AND.” The feeling was magical.
“I’m afraid I won’t find a job before the money runs out, AND I know that I’ll be okay.”
“I’m lonely, AND I am grateful for the wonderful friends I have.”
“I feel like a failure today, AND I know I’m an amazing person in so many ways.”
“I’m going to take on more consulting clients to pay my bills, AND continue manifesting a job doing what I love helping people I adore, AND work on launching my podcast, AND be open to new opportunities that show up.”
And so began the year of “&.”
Today, I invite you to try this out in your life and share your journey in the comments below!
LaKay is a true wanderlust, champagne hippie and modern boho. She spends her life seeking the balance between roots that help you grow and wings that let you fly. She is launching her podcast this spring, The Champagne Hippie: a candid look at Modern Spirituality. You can sign up to be notified at: thechampagnehippie.com. Email her at: firstname.lastname@example.org.