Tanner is a Life Transformation Strategist who specializes in helping women move on from unhealthy relationships and transforming their lives.
Breakups are never easy. Especially with someone you used to really love.
When I was in my late 20’s I experienced my first real and very painful breakup. I had dated a man that I deeply loved for almost five years and thought he was the man I was going to marry. Even though I was the one who ended the relationship, the loss of him in my life left a huge gaping hole.
Never having experienced something like this before, I did the worst thing possible. I tried to jump right into another relationship because I really didn’t remember or even know how to exist as a single person.
Nearly five years later, after many failed attempts at relationships and an ending to the final attempt that caused me to act so far out of my character that it made me wonder who I was, I knew something was very wrong.
Instead of taking the time to heal and find myself again after the breakup, I was trying to cover my wounds with one relationship after another.
If you have just experienced a painful breakup or have experienced a string of bad relationships here are 4 steps I wish I had known so many years ago that will help you start over and become an even better version of yourself for your next relationship.
- Take Time To Grieve
As much as we all like the connection, safety and comfort a relationship provides, the last thing you want to do is jump into another relationship before you have had the time to grieve. Take time to reflect on the relationship and really feel the emotions the break up has created for you. If you try to push the emotions down, they will only show up in your next relationship and sabotage it. Cry, yell, exercise, just get it out. Do whatever you need to do to grieve and release the emotions from your body, mind and spirit.
- Talk to Someone
We all rely on our friends and family to listen and support us after a breakup. However, those relationships can only listen and support so much before they can become strained. Often we need additional support during a life-changing event of this nature. Find a support group, life coach, therapist or counselor to help you get through the process. A person trained to help people through these type of events can give you the knowledge, skills and support you need to get back to yourself quickly.
To really find yourself again and open yourself to future love, you must forgive not only your ex, but also yourself. The events that lead to the end of a relationship are never one-sided. Take time to look at why the relationship ended from both you and your ex’s point of view. Own your part in the ending and then forgive everyone involved. You will find both of you were doing the best you could with the knowledge and relationship skills you had at the time.
- Create A New Life Vision
Often when we get into relationships we start to blend our lives with another and some of our dreams get lost along the way. Take this time to reclaim your lost dreams. Create a new vision for your life and future love and take the steps to make it a reality. Spend time alone to find out who you are, what you want out of life and a relationship. Use a journal to record your thoughts. By discovering and honoring more of yourself and your dreams, you will naturally attract a partner who is a better match down the road.
These 4 steps are what I personally used and also teach my clients to help them get back on their feet after a painful breakup. I hope they will help you get back on your feet and find true happiness again.
Tanner Kennedy is a Law of Attraction Love Coach and Founder of Love Is On The Way.
Tanner helps single women become their authentic and best selves so they can attract lasting love. After years of dissatisfaction from unhealthy relationships that caused her to hide her true self and desires, she finally said enough was enough and made a choice to learn to love and live another way.